Adventuring while Depressed and Anxious
by Jennifer Elise Wang
The application says to list leadership roles
But I’ve never had any.
I never wanted to be in charge—
Make decisions, oversee, represent.
I don’t want to be a protagonist
Although adventures sound fun.
Make me the NPC
Who helps you on a side quest
But doesn’t lead the way
To a fiery death by dragon
With a single decision and dice roll.
I’d take too long to decide anyway,
And the princess would be eaten.
I don’t want the princess either
(Or a prince for that matter)—
Pursuing happily ever after with someone
Sounds worse than facing a dragon
Because I’d have to face one hundred people
Just to find The One,
Not to mention I’ve found that I’m aro
And not full of eros.
(Perhaps that’s the depression talking
Or a side effect of my medication.)
I dream of seeing the world
But worry about changing it
For the worse with one wrong step.
I want to escape the mental demons,
But they’ll follow me outdoors
And assail others.
So I lock the doors,
Curl up in bed under the covers,
And let the devils occasionally
Give me pleasant visions
Of another world
And another me.
Jennifer Elise Wang (they/she) is a nonbinary femme in STEM and punk rock pretty boi poet from Dallas, Texas. When they’re not in the lab or writing, they enjoy action sports, cosplay, dancing, and volunteering at the animal shelter. They have been published in FERAL, just femme & dandy, Vocivia, and Exposed Brick Literary Magazine. They can be found at http://jenniferelisewang.com.